Joy. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Probably mostly because I've found myself perpetually grumpy. I've found myself buying the lie that my circumstances are making me unhappy. I've been feeling tired and sick, and I'm finding myself at doctor after doctor; leaving with no more answers then I came with. The mantra in my mind is "oh, woe is me".
AND THEN- I snapped out of it. It probably went something like this,
'Really, Kelly? YOU are "unhappy"? You who can just run to the doctor and be treated when you don't feel good. YOU who let your prescription run out and then complain about not feeling good?? YOU who have a roof over your head? YOU who has a pantry and a refrigerator full of food? YOU who have clothes to wear? YOU who have 2 healthy children and a wonderful, loving husband?"
Yes, I am an ungrateful, sulking child. And I found myself whining, "but i want to be happy!"
Let me tell you, friend. Happiness is a myth. Happiness is of this world. Happiness is a sick lie that is reliant on circumstances. Let me tell you what I have found. I have found JOY. My joy can't be diminished by my daily circumstances. My joy doesn't waver on the days I don't feel good, my joy doesn't even waver on the days when I'm mourning the baby we lost. My JOY is in the Lord, and it transcends circumstance.
So, dear reader, today I'm turning my back on superficial, worldly happiness, and turning my face to the JOY that is not of this earth.

Recently I've been reminded how forgetful I am. I've been stressed and not feeling good, and I've found myself less then patient with Korinne and Khloe. Then I remember. Korinne isn't even supposed to be here. Khloe is a miracle as well. So now I'm trying to constantly remind myself how I felt when I sat in the hospital and was told what to expect, and how my daughter would die. I am so blessed. I don't deserve such a miracle.
I'm so glad for this reminder, and I'm so grateful for my daughter. I'm grateful the Lord gave me the chance to have these rough parenting moments, and I'm grateful I have the opportunity to practice patience.