I Love Dates! :)

Kevin and I have not had an evening alone since June, so this evening is LONG overdue! We dropped the girls off at Nana and Popop's and RAN! :) 

Its so fun getting to know the person that Kevin has become in the past few years. 

We went out to dinner, and went for a walk. Tomorrow we're going to sleep in and make breakfast together before we go pick up the girls. 

So, goodnight, I am going to continue to enjoy my first evening sans children in too long! 

Knowing God

They have exchanged the glory of God for the shame of idols

Hosea 4:7

Sometimes when I read the bible, I am overwhelmed by God's love for me, and I can just bask in the love of my Father. Other times, and more frequently lately, I read and I feel a warning stirring up in my heart. I have been reading Hosea, and I think the parallels between Israel and God in Hosea, are eerily similar to the world today. 

You make vows and break them;

you kill and steal and commit adultery

There is violence everywhere-

one murder after another

That is why your land is is mourning

and everyone is wasting away. 

Even the wild animals, 

the birds of the sky and the fish of the sea are disappearing.

Hosea 4:2

When I was younger, I was always taught that all I had to do was ask Jesus into my heart, and I would get into Heaven. Lately, though, I have begun to think, isn't there more to it than that? Yes, Jesus is in my heart, but just like any relationship, my relationship with the Lord needs constant attention. My heart needs constant examination, and my life constant reevaluation. I am far from perfect, and the only way that I am going to make it in this life is to FIGHT for Jesus. 

I love a good spiritual high as much as the next person, but in the same way that I have ups and downs in the relationship with my husband, I also have ups and downs in my relationship with the Lord. However, I have found that when I am in a spiritual "slump" it is my job to SEARCH earnestly for God. I have to push farther every time to find Him. And each time I find Him, I am overwhelmed by His beauty and His Majesty. 

Lately, however, in my quest for Him, I have been learning that my God is a jealous God. He is full of righteous anger. These verses might sound a little harsh at first, but as I read deeper I feel like the Lords raw emotion is displayed in the words:

Come, let us return to the Lord.

He has torn us to pieces;

now He will heal us.

He has injured us;

now He will bandage our wounds.

In just a SHORT time He will restore us, 

so that we may live in His presence.

Oh that we might know the Lord!

Let us press on to know Him!

He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of the dawn

or the coming rains of the early spring

"Oh, Judah, oh Israel, what should I do with you?" asks the Lord

"For your love vanishes in the morning mist

and disappears like dew in the sunlight.

I sent my prophets to cut you to pieces-

to slaughter you with My words,

with judgements as inescapable as light.

I want you to show love,

not offer sacrifices.

I want you to know me,

more than I want burnt offerings"

Hosea 6:1-6

Often in my life when the Lord reveals something I need to change, it is PAINFUL and it does feel like I am being torn apart. But what the Lord tears apart, he will most certainly put back together. It will most definitely be restored to a finer version of what it was before. So when the Lord "tears me to pieces" he is preparing me for a day when I will live in His presence. My heart is telling me that that day is closer than ever.  

When Did I Become a Grown Up?

When did this happen? When did I become a grown up? It seems like just yesterday I was sitting in a classroom at LMH. It was just a few months ago that I was donning my black gown, and throwing my cap into the air on the front lawn. Four years?? Has it really been four years?? Sometimes when I'm asked my age I'm still shocked when "21" comes out of my mouth. 

For the longest time I felt so much older than all my friends. I got pregnant in my first semester at college. I had a baby at the one year mark of my high school graduation. I lost my first baby two years after graduation. But now some of my friends have careers, and others are graduating from college this year, and we are all going separate ways. And it's scary! It's scary because now it's becoming real to me that THIS is real life. I am married. I am a mother. Every decision I make MATTERS. It's not like four years ago when my biggest worry was what I would wear tomorrow. I am now faced with  things like saving money to buy my children Christmas presents, and making sure two little human beings have clothes to wear, and food to eat, and shoes to wear. I have to go grocery shopping for a family of four. I have to clip coupons, I have to hunt for bargains, I have to cook dinner every night. And soon I have to think about pre school! 

But I am grateful, I am SO grateful for the life God has given me, for the joy that has come out of sorrow, and the beauty that has come out of sin an rebellion. That's why when I'm making dinner and doing dishes I praise Him, and in the morning when my two beautiful babies wake up I thank God for them from the bottom of my heart! 

Amazing Grace

Amazing Grace

how sweet the sound

that saved a wretch like me

I once was lost 

But now I'm found

Was blind

but now, I see so clearly

Hallelujah 

Grace like rain

falls down on me

Hallelujah 

all my stains are washed away

they're washed away

T'was grace that taught

my heart to feel

And Grace my fears released

How precious

did that Grace appear

the hour I first believed

Hallelujah

Grace like rain falls down on me

Hallelujah

All my stains are washed away 

When we've been there 10,000 years

bright shining as the sun

We've no less days to sing Your praise

Then when we first begun! 

HALLELUJAH 

GRACE LIKE RAIN FALLS DOWN ON ME

HALLELUJAH

ALL MY STAINS ARE WASHED AWAY

Sometimes I find myself wondering why the God of the universe would care enough to wash away MY dirty, ugly sin. So many times I am reminded that I am no better than a criminal. God doesn't have a sliding scale of sins. My gossip is just as bad as murder. I am so thankful that my God IS MIGHTY TO SAVE! And he chose to save ME.  This morning as I sit and listen to worship music, I feel the words healing my heart. These past few days have been ones of stress, and making decisions about our future, and I am so glad that I can just sit and let the Lord fill my heart. 

As I sit here I am also thinking of a day almost two years ago. The day I became a 

wife. The day I made a vow to my husband, and to God, that I would stand by his side forever. 

Kevin has been there for me through my surgeries and poor health, and all of the days that I was too tired to do much more than sleep. And now it's my turn to stand beside my husband and support him as he makes a decision for his career, and for our family. We were going to keep it quiet for a little longer, but my husband is bursting, so the secret it out. Kevin has been talking about this since high school and we finally decided to take a leap. Kevin is going to join the military. It's ben something we've talked about for about a year. As I write this I am excited, and I'm also scared looking into a future of uncertainty. But mostly I'm proud, I'm so proud of my husband, and I can't wait to take this jump into the unknown with the love of my life, and my best friend. 

Roasted Veggie Meatloaf

I love to cook!  I especially love seasonal flavors! My latest creation is a recipe I found and adapted. My family loves it and I will definitely post a picture after it is done baking! I always hated meatloaf, but this recipe is outstanding! It's also an amazing way to sneak veggies into my girls. Here is it:

1 red bell pepper

2 zucchini 

1 md. onion

dice the above veggies, and toss with olive oil, rosemary, salt, and pepper. roast at 450 for 25-30 minutes, until tender. 

puree veggies, and add one cup to the following:

1 lb ground sirloin

1 cup panko bread crumbs

1 cup mozzarella cheese

1/2 tsp basil

1/2 tsp margoram

1 tsp salt

1/2 tsp pepper

whisk together 1/2 cup ketchup and 1 egg, and fold into the meat mixture. 

put into a loaf pan, and top with additional 1/2 cup ketchup. bake at 350 for 1 hour and 10 minutes, or until the juices run clear. 

then you can use the remaining veggie puree as a sauce (or leave it chunky and use as a relish)

I serve it with mashed yukon golds. YUM! 

Life Altering Decisions

I have made two life altering decisions in my life thus far. 

This is the first:

and this is the second:

They are two of the best decisions I have ever made. My life hasn't been easy because if it, but it has been far more joyful. It's amazing how God can create something so beautiful out of disobedience.  He has continued to be faithful beyond measure to our family, despite my almost constant worry and doubt. I have recently turned over a new leaf, I have committed myself to this verse:

"This is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life- 

whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. 

Isn't life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 

Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, 

for your Heavenly Father feeds them.

And aren't you more valuable to Him than they are?

Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

And why worry about your clothing? 

Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow.

They don't work or make their clothing, 

yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. 

And if God cares so wonderfully for the wildflowers that are here today

and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you.

Why do you have so little faith?

So don't worry about these things, saying,

What will we eat?

What will we drink?

What will we wear?

He will give you everything you need.

So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring it's own worries.

Today's troubles is enough for today."

Matthew 6:25-34

Today, however, I find before myself a decision that will affect our family today, and tomorrow, and probably forever. So I can't help but worry. But, in the midst of my worry, I find myself guardedly optimistic, because I know that even in this decision, my God will be faithful.

My First Post

I have decided to start a blog. Not because I think I have anything of significance to say, but because writing has always been therapeutic for me.  

Life is pretty crazy right now. I've found that sometimes I feel lost in my own life. Lost in the laundry, and cleaning, and diapers, and tantrums, and just plain business of having a family of four. Sometimes when I finally have time to stop I realize I'm not sure who I am anymore, or who God has called me to be. My life has taken so many unexpected turns, and now I am choosing, making a deliberate choice, to find my God-self.