this will quite possibly become a post i might later regret, but for so long i have felt like i have nothing to say, that i'm not inspiring so why write? well, this time i'm writing, because the alternative might be throwing up, or breaking something.
sometimes life sucks. i fancy myself an optimist- i try to see the best in people and situations. i sometimes look really hard in the good in people; any reason not give up on them. sometimes this ends poorly for me. anyway, that's not really relevant. right now i'm not feeling much like an optimist.
i'm so angry right now. i'm angry at every pregnant woman, at ever woman who gets to hold her newborn baby. every woman who takes the child inside of her for granted. why is my baby dead? why is yours alive and i'll never get to hold mine. what makes your baby so special?
i just want to scream. scream and break something. somedays it just feels so raw- like my heart literally weighs a million pounds.
i want to yell at someone for no reason; use every four letter word i know. but nothing i can comprehend doing will make it go away. no amount of xanax will calm these nerves.
i'm just so freaking angry. i think it's ok to be angry. so i'm going to be angry. i'm going to go to the gym and run my anger, bike my anger, swim my anger. drown out my anger with my ipod.
:( I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It's not fair. I'm sure I'm the last person you want to talk to, and there isn't anything I could say to take the pain of your loss away. I hate it. I miss you.
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