Learning to be ME

The past several weeks have been a little stressful here at the Lapp home.
I find myself facing more challenges,
and to be honest, I'm not sure how we're going to deal with them.
Now, I'm not complaining, I'm so thankful for the roof over my head, and the fact that I'm not wondering where my next meal will come from. But I've definitely been challenged emotionally.
I've begun to question what is real,
what is really real. To borrow a word from another blog I read, what is authentic. Lately I've spoken to some
of my awesome Godly women friends, and we've all had the same frustration,
feeling like there's an expectation for us to "be" a certain way. We get together in places of fellowship where
we should be REAL, and find ourselves acting like we don't yell at
our children in frustration sometimes, like we don't fight with our husbands, like we're model Christian women who don't struggle with self esteem, body image, depression, or anything else.
I want to break that mold, I want to find
the woman inside of me that is whole,
and righteous because of Christ. I want to be honest about my weaknesses, and not be afraid of what other people might think. I feel like there is so much power, and freedom, and healing in being genuine. I can't be wholly who I'm supposed to be until I get there. I hope I will get there.
Maybe day by day I'll get a little more
honest about me. It's scary though, because I've definitely built a wall around my secrets. Things in my
past, and my present that I think I need to be ashamed of. That lie has only flourished in the darkness I keep it in.
There is power and light in truth, in what is real, and what is authentic and genuine. So, I'll try to keep up with my
blog as I embark on conquering this new challenge that stands before me. And hopefully soon I'll find the courage to step out in faith and expose more of my personal truth.