A Bittersweet Christmas

I L-O-V-E Christmas. It is absolutely without a doubt my favorite holiday. I think I would have a tree, decorations, and Christmas music playing on the first day I feel a hint of chill in the fall. I love sitting under a blanket with my (now sugar free) hot chocolate reading a book, or just looking at our newly decorated tree. I have always loved Christmas. I think the thing I love best is spending time with family partaking in traditions.
How ironic, then, that I have married one of the biggest Scrooges there is. Christmas music is banned in his presence. The first year we were married he didn't even want a tree! But a few days before Christmas I convinced him. The second year we got one a whole WEEK before Christmas! This year he agreed to a tree in the first week of December, not only that but he drove around Lancaster County for several hours until we found the "perfect" tree. And then shopped for decorations with me! :) I think my Christmas spirit is rubbing off on him.
Or it might be because he knows this is going to be a hard Christmas for us. This Christmas would be our baby girl's first Christmas. (She wasn't due until mid January- but I'll never carry a baby to term.) So when I look at our tree this year and see Korinne and Khloe's "first Christmas" ornaments it's hard.
The other day I was looking at the baby ornaments, thinking there will always be a missing "baby's first" because baby Kiana will never have a first Christmas. Then I realized I CAN get Kiana her own ornament and stocking, because it IS her first Christmas, she's just spending it with Jesus instead of us. And that's the hardest thing for me to swallow.