A Leap of Faith

I've said it before on my blog that I've struggled with bi polar disorder and severe recurring depression for quite a long time. It was something that was kind of hard for me to talk about with other people, believe it or not. In my mind I had this idea that there was something "wrong" with me because I have a mental illness. So I guess I looked at it as something I should hide and just take medicine to "make me better". I felt the stigma very strongly, but looking back now, I think I may have been the one with the stigma. All I have gotten is the positive responses from friends that I needed. That's why I think I'm okay with saying this now.

Tuesday night I got home from a six day stay at Philhaven. Best decision of my life. At first I felt weak because I was in such a dark place that I needed serious help to pull myself out of it. By the second day there I felt proud that I was so brave to admit that I needed help, and to take the steps to get what I needed so that I could be the best mother and wife I can possibly be.

While I was there I learned lots of things. First of all I learned that Philhaven is not what people make it out to be. While I was there a doctor changed my meds and I felt better almost immediately. The days were full of classes, and group therapy, and the people were just amazing. There's nothing like being surrounded with people who have similar "issues", and realizing you aren't alone, and giving each other positive feedback. It's indescribable to have any facades stripped away, and be honest and real with other people.

I have so many stories to tell, and my heart feels like it's just bursting because of all the incredible people I met, and discoveries I made. I definitely came home with new confidence in myself. But for now I'm just taking this leap of faith and sharing and being vulnerable with the hopes that this will lead to positive feedback rather then judgments.