Lessons From the 2x4

I'm sure I've blogged before about the "2x4" truth. People don't do things to you they do them for themselves. Sounds easy enough, but for me it's been semi life changing. If that's true then it means that I don't have to take things personally, or internalize criticisms I receive. 


So, to my point, why am I bringing up 2x4 again? Perhaps to hit someone over the head with? Not today. I've been a little down lately- not feeling well, and having that "why me?", "life isn't fair" attitude. Which is weird for me because usually I take everything in stride and keep that cliched attitude that "everything happens for a reason". I felt like why is God doing this to me? 


I think it hit me yesterday. We're anxiously awaiting my liver biopsy results (assuming we get them with this biopsy and I don't have to repeat it- either way the waiting is torturous.) and I've been doing some research. They did the biopsy for to reasons 1.) to confirm auto immune hep. 2.) to see what level of damage has been done to my liver. So I guess I assumed that "liver failure" is the same as kidney and you can do something about it. However- that isn't exactly the case. Liver damage is called cirrhosis.  Cirrhosis kills you and there's pretty much no way around it. Even transplants aren't that great of an option. The survival rate after 5 years isn't that great. There's a lot of information about "end of life care" when you google "cirrhosis". 


It made me wonder if this is it. Or if it's close to it. I mean, with all my other health problems it's not like I had a great life expectancy anyway. But I was at least planning on seeing my girls graduate from high school, maybe dancing at their wedding, and having a grandchild or two. I'm not trying to be melodramatic. It's just like reality hit me from all sides yesterday. Kevin and I talked about last night. A topic we usually avoid. At my last doctor's appointment they told me it's really time that I make a living will. I just hope that I live long enough for Korinne and Khloe to know that I would never leave them on purpose, it's not my choice. It just is. 


So, after several rabbit trails, here is my point. The Lord isnt' doing anything to me. Everything is for his glory. Every day, every hour, every minute, every second is a gift. It's my choice how I use them.