How am I supposed to feel? Is there some rule I'm supposed to follow? Some code of conduct? I'm feeling overwhelmed about my health, and I just haven't been feeling well lately. I'm up to my eyeballs in medication, how am I not feeling great? Why am I taking them if I still feel tired and achy and sick? Am I allowed to complain? I have a great husband, beautiful children, a roof over my head, and food to eat. So am I just a huge complainer and I should just keep my mouth shut?
This is how I feel: this totally sucks.
I just got a call from the liver doc- the liver sample was insufficient, so they're weren't able to get any results from it. hooray for good news.... so anyway, there's some new blood test that I can have done (it has to be pre approved by insurance, and I have to go to some special lab, it's just that new) and depending on the "score" of that test they'll decide whether or not to repeat the liver biopsy.
So now I'm kind of feeling whiney like "why does this always happen to me". I'm not going to lie, I've started to get a little angry and irritated. Is God somehow trying to get through to me about something? It's this just the beginning and there is some big miracle to come? Am I just supposed to learn to draw closer and stop being stubborn and realize I don't have to deal with everything on my own?
So what is my reality for the day?
I'm feeling drained.
I feel like giving up.
I feel like I can't do this anymore.
I feel like there has to be good things to come.
I feel like baking cupcakes.
I'm upset that I can't eat cupcakes.
I think I might eat a cupcake anyway.
I'm excited to sleep over at my bff's house tonight.
I'm apprehensive about becoming a licensed driver tomorrow.
I wonder what my new freedom will bring.
I wonder if God will bring my purpose to me, or if I have to go find it.
My house is relatively clean, that makes me happy.
I have 3 loads of laundry to fold.
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